One day...

Before I change course to psychology, there are some questions that bothering me.

What kind of life I want to pursuit?

What kind of person I want to be?

Who am I exactly?

That’s the time I found that I don’t really understand about myself. I can list out bunch of my weakness but I can’t speak out what is my strengths is or which part of me that I proud of. In that moment, I deeply want to figure out myself and gain the confidence that I never have.

After study psychology, things does not change much but I knew that it is the matter of my real self and ideal self. Well, the gap between them is big for me. Sometimes I felt impatient to be my ideal self as quick as possible, so that I can live again. A silly thought indeed.

I do learn a lot from my course mates. I think most of them proceed great personality which I kind of lack of. The biggest advantages they have is the ability to goes along with people, how they mixed with people, how they handle their relationships, the expression of emotion and how they observe people based on emotion view before logic view.

One day, I will be confidence enough to present myself to the world.

One day, I will be confidence enough to tell how great I was.

One day, I will be confidence enough to follow my heart.

One day, I will be confidence enough to live my life without regret.

One day, I will be confidence enough to show love to my love ones.

One day never come if they never start from now…

亲与情

我这人其实挺内向的，情感又内检，也不擅长表达自己的情感，每当关键时候就退缩，对亲密的关系会不自觉的保持距离，对此既期待又陌生而感到害怕。情感是我自身的禁区，很隐秘，不开放，也不愿让人探索。有时候挺想可以很坦率的和家人相处，如知己般地无话不说，谈天说地的，想把自己的喜怒哀乐都分享出来，想感受下亲密亲情的温暖，想把我们彼此的距离给拉近一点，可惜这一切都只能藏在心里，每次难得的归家，到口边的话总是自然而然的往回倒，始终觉得有一道屏在中间隔着，蛹破的勇气始终不存在。为什麽就不坦率一点呢？主动点关心他们，把嫌麻烦的心态摆一边，多聆听他们说话不就好吗？为什麽总是自己设防卫，他们都是最亲的亲人啊？

至于感情呢，由于对自己的不自信，总是质疑自己给对方幸福的能力，不愿相信幸运离自己如此地近，不懂为什麽的害怕，准备好的礼物，表白的话总是送不出，总是等待天时地利人和，不停地被自己的懦弱打败，而结果把她放弃了。曾后悔过因自己的懦弱而放弃。可如果有机会重来的话，结果大概还是一样吧。那些懦弱就是我的一部份，因为太把它们当一回事结果就成了一回事，其实不自信就去学会自信点啊，害怕什麽就更加要去做啊，再更坦率一点啊。她现在幸福吗？一定很幸福吧。。。

语毕，继续向前走吧。。。。

第一次的饥饿30

生平第一次参加的饥饿30就这样告一段落了，感觉新鲜之余也带着些遗憾，挺可惜的。相比上次参加的那个儿童营，玩得最投入的，没带丁点遗憾，这次就有点反差了。没融入团体里，看着别人狂欢，当个旁观者，挺落寞的。当然这里有几个原因啦，第一个原因是年龄差距的问题，相差不大不小的，融不进话题里，另一个原因是他们都是自己一大班人来，彼此都互相认识的，要融入他们不是短时间内可以的，当然这不列入那些社交厉害的啦。

当然最重要的问题还是自己，没积极主动想办法融入进去，只是消极被动的等待和抱怨，不过借此也了解了自己多一些，自己需要一些熟悉的朋友在身边示范并学习他们来向外扩展的，就好象幼儿需要养育人在周围才会觉得安全向外探索世界。当然这也反映了自己在社交的弱势和向往啊，呵呵。

回到饥饿30，我并不后悔参加这慈善活动，很有意义的，也第一次到bukit Jalil stadium看演唱会，很棒的一次经验。也借此了解到我们这享用1%世界资源以外的人的小孩是都多么的幸苦地活着。看着大家这么齐心用心为一个慈善活动是挺感动的。

自制的给嘉宾的纪念品